I listen to a segment called "Blown Off" on the radio station 95.5 WPLJ on my way to work in the morning. Callers ask the station for help after they had what seemingly was a great first date (or few great dates) but did not hear back from the other person afterwards. In an attempt to help the caller, the radio station calls the date to ask why they blew the caller off. The reasons people gave included:
1. Lack of physical attraction
- bad teeth, thinning hairline, and bad breath
- too hairy
- too sweaty
- overweight
- not the ethnicity date wants
- awkwardly large breast implants (though some men may not mind this)
- persistent eye twitch
- bad teeth, thinning hairline, and bad breath
- too hairy
- too sweaty
- overweight
- not the ethnicity date wants
- awkwardly large breast implants (though some men may not mind this)
- persistent eye twitch
2. Unattractive or weird personality
- extremely uptight
- hypochondriac
- extreme negativity about men
- lazy (does not like to go out or do anything physically active)
- angers easily (road rage, paranoid other men are checking date out)
- extremely uptight
- hypochondriac
- extreme negativity about men
- lazy (does not like to go out or do anything physically active)
- angers easily (road rage, paranoid other men are checking date out)
3. Unattractive or inappropriate behavior
- constantly speaks like a baby
- weird laugh
- frequently curses
- talks very loudly
- sexting inappropriate photos after date
- speaks then silent for prolonged intervals
- poor dining etiquette (chews with mouth open, spits out food while talking and eating, food in hair)
- frequently on cell phone during date
- "story-topper" (tries to trump person's story by telling a better one)
- constantly speaks like a baby
- weird laugh
- frequently curses
- talks very loudly
- sexting inappropriate photos after date
- speaks then silent for prolonged intervals
- poor dining etiquette (chews with mouth open, spits out food while talking and eating, food in hair)
- frequently on cell phone during date
- "story-topper" (tries to trump person's story by telling a better one)
4. Inappropriate activity for first date
- dinner with parents who asks about date's fertility
- brings children to first date
- goes shopping at various dealerships for used cars (guy feels he was being used to drive girl around)
- goes to a comedy club on open mic night and girl incessantly makes fun of her date on stage
- shows photos of ex
- dinner with parents who asks about date's fertility
- brings children to first date
- goes shopping at various dealerships for used cars (guy feels he was being used to drive girl around)
- goes to a comedy club on open mic night and girl incessantly makes fun of her date on stage
- shows photos of ex
5. Gets drunk or stoned during date
6. Inappropriate conversation topics
- divorce
- engagement rings and wedding ideas
- having children
- obsessively talks about working out and asks girl her percentage of body fat
- pushy about buying phone app
- divorce
- engagement rings and wedding ideas
- having children
- obsessively talks about working out and asks girl her percentage of body fat
- pushy about buying phone app
7. Not romantic
- goes to AppleBee's and guy uses gift card to pay for dinner
- guy licks girl's face instead of a simple kiss at end of date
- guy wears the same clothes to date as to gym
- goes to AppleBee's and guy uses gift card to pay for dinner
- guy licks girl's face instead of a simple kiss at end of date
- guy wears the same clothes to date as to gym
8. Sexual incompatibility
- girl does not want to have pre-marital sex
- guy is a player
- guy only wants a one-night stand
- guy takes out private part during dinner
- girl mistakenly thinks it is a romantic date but guy is actually homosexual
- girl does not want to have pre-marital sex
- guy is a player
- guy only wants a one-night stand
- guy takes out private part during dinner
- girl mistakenly thinks it is a romantic date but guy is actually homosexual
9. Economic/social status
- guy's credit card is declined so girl has to pay for steak dinner
- guy works at Walmart
- guy's credit card is declined so girl has to pay for steak dinner
- guy works at Walmart
10. Safety or theft
- threatening ex-boyfriend
- family may be violent
- guy thinks girl stole money from drawer after staying overnight
- threatening ex-boyfriend
- family may be violent
- guy thinks girl stole money from drawer after staying overnight
Because specific reasons were given as to why the date lost interest, one could argue that the person could just fix that one particular factor. However, there are two bigger lessons to be learned.
The first lesson is to have awareness. Be aware and observant of yourself, your date, and the situation. All callers on the radio show were oblivious to the reason as to why the other person did not respond after the first date. Callers sincerely thought the date went well and could not think of a reason why the other person lost interest.
1. Be aware of yourself
If you are consistently not getting second dates, then there is likely a good reason. Take time to think about your imperfections and/or observe yourself in all aspects - physical appearance, personality, and behavior. Be brutally honest with yourself. You can ask friends and family members to tell you what they think your imperfections are, but be mentally prepared and do not get upset with them if they give you feedback you do not like or agree with. Do not instantaneously deny or make excuses for the flaws they say you have. Instead, think objectively and observe yourself over time to see whether what they say is accurate. It is better to learn about these imperfections you did not know about, and decide whether you want to change them, rather than being oblivious and wonder why you do not get second dates.
If you are consistently not getting second dates, then there is likely a good reason. Take time to think about your imperfections and/or observe yourself in all aspects - physical appearance, personality, and behavior. Be brutally honest with yourself. You can ask friends and family members to tell you what they think your imperfections are, but be mentally prepared and do not get upset with them if they give you feedback you do not like or agree with. Do not instantaneously deny or make excuses for the flaws they say you have. Instead, think objectively and observe yourself over time to see whether what they say is accurate. It is better to learn about these imperfections you did not know about, and decide whether you want to change them, rather than being oblivious and wonder why you do not get second dates.
Helpful links:
How to make yourself more physically attractive
How to make your personality more attractive
What impresses women and men
What men and women dislike about the other
How to make yourself more physically attractive
How to make your personality more attractive
What impresses women and men
What men and women dislike about the other
2. Be aware of your date
If you are meeting people online, you can minimize wasting time going on a date only to quickly find out you were not a match due to lack of attraction or compatibility. Make sure both you and your date have recent and representative photos available. If they do not, ask them to post, email, or text at least two photos (since one photo may not be an accurate depiction). Also, search for matches on the dating website using the criteria you deem important, or ask the potential date about those things in your emails. During the date, watch out for your date's body language and clues as to whether they are interested in you.
If you are meeting people online, you can minimize wasting time going on a date only to quickly find out you were not a match due to lack of attraction or compatibility. Make sure both you and your date have recent and representative photos available. If they do not, ask them to post, email, or text at least two photos (since one photo may not be an accurate depiction). Also, search for matches on the dating website using the criteria you deem important, or ask the potential date about those things in your emails. During the date, watch out for your date's body language and clues as to whether they are interested in you.
3. Be aware of the situation
Remember, this is a first date. You need to make a good impression. Therefore, be appropriate - the setting/activity, attire, conversation topics, and behavior.
Remember, this is a first date. You need to make a good impression. Therefore, be appropriate - the setting/activity, attire, conversation topics, and behavior.
Helpful links:
Advice for first dates
Ideas for dates
What to wear on a first date
Proper dinner date etiquette
Comebacks to "Why are you still single?"
The first date kiss
Advice for first dates
Ideas for dates
What to wear on a first date
Proper dinner date etiquette
Comebacks to "Why are you still single?"
The first date kiss
The second lesson is to think about whether you want to change in order to date the other person. Obviously, if you think the other person pointed out a valid flaw and you want to improve, then go ahead. Keep in mind it is better to change for yourself than for someone else. If you are uncertain whether you want to make the change, consider:
- if the change is truly for the better
- whether the change is really for your benefit or your date's (the change will help you improve as a person rather than merely accommodate to your date's preferences)
- how major the change is
- how important that trait/value/activity is to you (how much it is the essence of who you are)
- how difficult the change would be
- if the change is truly for the better
- whether the change is really for your benefit or your date's (the change will help you improve as a person rather than merely accommodate to your date's preferences)
- how major the change is
- how important that trait/value/activity is to you (how much it is the essence of who you are)
- how difficult the change would be
Keep in mind that everyone has different preferences. You may change for one person, but someone else may like that particular trait you have. For example, I thought that my petite size would not be considered attractive since the typical beautiful woman portrayed in the media is tall. However, I learned from dating that there is a subpopulation of men who prefer petite women.
The most important thing about unsuccessful first dates is what you learn from them. Try to learn about yourself and improve as a person. The second dates will naturally come afterwards. (Read about my worst date ever... and what I learned.)
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