Before you meet your date
- Generally, it is the guy who chooses the restaurant. Ask your date if she has any food allergies or preferences, so you can factor this when picking the restaurant. This shows you are considerate and a thoughtful planner.
- Do not choose a very cheap restaurant such as McDonald's.
- Make dinner reservations and confirm 1-2 days before the date.
- Check out the menu in advance. You can look up foods you are not familiar with, and/or their proper pronunciations. This makes you appear more intelligent during the date.
- Dress properly for the restaurant. Do not wear sneakers to a nice restaurant (although you should not be wearing sneakers on a first date anyway - unless there is a sporting event or activity involved).
- Bring cash in case the restaurant does not accept credit cards. Make sure your credit card works (e.g., you paid the bill so it will not be declined).
- Be on time. Contact your date if you will be late, if even by 5-10 minutes.
At the restaurant, before the meal arrives
- Gentlemen, try to pull out your date's chair and take her coat, if possible.
- Turn off your cell phone, or at least set it to vibrate or silent. If you are expecting a call, let your date know in advance. (This may be useful if you want a rescue call from a friend in case the date does not go well and you need an early escape.) But if you take the call, excuse yourself and step out of the restaurant to talk.
- After sitting down at the table, unfold the napkin and place it on your lap. Do not use it to clean the utensils or plates/dishes, wipe your face, or blow your nose. If you need to leave the table, loosely fold the napkin and place it on the side of the plate (not on the chair).
- Do not position the menu such that your face hides behind it.
- Do not complain about how expensive the food is.
- Do not order an overly excessive amount of food.
- Do not order food that is sloppy (such as spaghetti where the sauce may fly), requires hands to eat (such as crab legs that require cracking), or easily gets stuck in teeth (such as spinach).
- Do not order for your date unless they request.
- Close your menu if you are ready to order (so the wait staff knows). Do not place the menu on your plate.- Be courteous to the wait staff (say "please" and "thank you"). Do not snap your fingers to get their attention. Instead, try to make eye contact or raise your hand slightly when the wait staff is close by.
During the meal
- Do not eat until both parties have their food served.
- If there is more than one set of utensils, start with the outer ones (those furthest away from the plate), and use the inner utensils for later courses.
- If you ordered individual entrées, offer to share your food before you eat or use your utensils. Give your date a sample so they do not have to reach over to your plate.
- If there is a common dish you are sharing, serve your date first using serving utensils, not your personal utensils.
- Do not make faces or sounds at food you do not like.
- Do not drink to the point where you get drunk.
- Place your drink to your right.
- Do not play with your food or utensils.
- Do not wave or point with your utensils.
- Once you use the utensil, rest it on the side of the plate or in a bowl when not in use. Do not put it back on the table.
- Do not put elbows on the table.
- Do not chew or speak with your mouth open.
- Do not slurp soup.
- If you burp, excuse yourself.
- Do not pass gas. Excuse yourself to the bathroom first.
- Do not double dip. Instead, break the bread or food in half so you can dip each half. Or transfer some of the spread/sauce/oil/dip to your own plate to use before spreading/dipping and eating.
- If you suspect there is food in between your teeth, do not pick it out with a toothpick or your finger in front of your date. Instead, place the napkin in front of your mouth as if you are wiping it, then use your tongue to remove the bit of food that is stuck. Excuse yourself to the bathroom if it is difficult to remove.
- Spit food inconspicuously into your napkin if you do not want to swallow it.
- If you cough or sneeze, turn away from the table and food, and cover your mouth. Do not blow your nose at the table.
- Pace your eating to your date's so you are not waiting for a long time after you finish while your date is still eating. They may feel rushed since you are done.
- When you are finished with your meal, placing utensils at 4 o'clock on your plate signifies to the wait staff that you are done. Placing utensils at 4 and 8 o'clock signifies you are still working on the meal.
After the meal
- Generally, the guy pays for the meal. I think it is nice if the woman offers to pay her half. In this case, gentlemen - nicely decline her offer and pay anyway. Ladies - bring money just in case the guy does allow you to pay.
- Do not skimp on tipping or use a coupon. This will make you seem cheap.
- Tip in cash (generally 15-20%). This is something I prefer regardless of whether I am on a date. When the tip is placed on a credit card, the wait staff is penalized a small percentage.
- Gentlemen, it is a bonus point if you also tip her valet. Same if there is a coat check.
For more suggestions on a first date, please see:
Advice for first dates
What to wear on a first date
Questions to ask on first date
What impresses women and men
What men and women dislike
The first date kiss
