What impresses women and men

Everyone wants someone who has good qualities (e.g., honest, kind).  But I have noticed there are some (non-physical) traits that women and men in general especially like (each person is different so not everything may apply to each individual)... and of course, this is not a comprehensive list...

There is a part of every woman's body that will make her tingle, melt, and crave to be with you if it is touched.  It is her heart.  (But you were probably thinking of another body part, weren't you?)
Things about men that impress women:
-  confident (but not arrogant)
-  powerful
-  financially secure
-  goal oriented/ambitious
-  has his own place without roommates
-  intelligent (book and street smart)
-  a problem solver
-  thoughtful/considerate
-  chivalrous
-  reliable and trustworthy
-  communicates well and expressive of feelings
-  able to take care of us
-  pays attention to her only (makes her feel that she is the only woman you are interested in)
-  remembers things we said, our birthday, our anniversary
-  pays attention to detail, especially noticing our new outfit/shoes/haircut (we do things to look pretty for you so it would be nice that you notice)
-  good to other people (both your and our family and friends, servers at the restaurants, etc)
-  good with babies and children (and even animals/pets)
-  spontaneous
-  gives us a card/note/small gift for no occasion
-  sends an email/text saying that you miss/think of us
-  handy around the home
-  comforting when we are upset

Every woman wants to be romanced.  Guys, if you ever have trouble deciding what to get a woman for a gift, here are some safe bets (but remember, these are generalities and not all women may like these): 
-  flowers
-  chocolates
-  spa treatment (mani/pedi, facial, massage)
-  (brand name) handbag
-  jewelry (diamonds are a girl's best friend)
-  a trip
(Men, let's admit it - buying her lingerie is really a gift for you, not for her.)

What girl wouldn't want a spontaneous trip to Paris on your private jet?

Things about women that impress men (per my male friends and various men's online dating profiles):
-  one guy friend said, "men only care about good companionship and sex, and if she likes sports, that's a bonus"
-  intelligent
-  funny/sense of humor
-  open-minded
-  knows when to be serious and when to have fun
-  can look good without having to dress up
-  shares a common interest in a hobby or activity
-  interested in sports, cars, fitness, fixing things, technology
-  understanding
-  not oversensitive
-  a good cook ("the way to a man's heart is through his stomach"... or his private area)
-  "good girl/bad girl" dichotomy
-  knows what she wants
-  happy with who she is
-  has her act together
-  drama-free
-  not catty
-  sane
-  someone he can be himself around
-  gets along with his friends and family
-  inspires him to be a better man just by being the awesome woman she is
* I do notice that men have fewer criteria for what they want in a partner than women.

Gift ideas for men: 
-  anything to do with sex (boudoir photos, a personal lapdance or belly dancing show, new lingerie/custome/sex toy)
-  something related to their favorite sport or sports team (jersey/gear, tickets, memorabilia, equipment)
-  the newest or coolest electronic device available (smartphone, tablet, computer, game console, music/entertainment-related equipment)
-  a cool gadget or tool
-  something related to a hobby, fitness, or activity/recreation he likes (common ones include photography, jogging, biking, camping, traveling)
-  something car-related (tickets to an Auto Show, racecar lessons)
-  massage (you can get a couples massage)

Please see my post on What men and women dislike.

The first date kiss

I think the most awkward part of a first date is the goodbye.  Do you wave goodbye, shake hands, hug, or kiss?  If you are thinking about kissing, here are some tips:

Kiss or no kiss?
Sorry, guys, but you are expected to initiate the kiss.  We understand that this is unfair and it may be difficult to read women to decide whether they want to be kissed or not.  But if you think the date went well and your date won't mind or wants to be kissed, then go for the plunge.

Cheek or lips?
For the first kiss, a simple sweet kiss on the cheek is a safe bet.  Not all women want to be kissed on the lips on the first date, and some women do not prefer public display of affection.

Timing is everything
I would suggest kissing your date at the end of the date rather than during the date (unless there really is a magical moment in the middle of the date where the kiss would be appropriate, but this doesn't often happen since your date is often in the middle of drinking/eating/talking and you are still trying to figure out whether your date is interested in you).

Bad breath
You may be the best kisser but having bad breath ruins a great kiss.  Carry Listerine dissolving strips with you.  It works faster and is more inconspicuous than breath mints.

No slobbery kisses, please!
If your date wipes her cheek or mouth after the kiss, then that implies that the kiss was too wet.  Swallow your saliva before the next kiss. 

Keep your eyes closed
A kiss can be going really well but if you are caught with your eyes open, that just ruins it.

Length of kiss
It is safe to keep a kiss short and simple on the first date, especially if this is the first time you are meeting her.  It may be better not to kiss too long or french unless your date really seems into you or your kiss.  If you have known each other for a while in the past and then decided to start dating, then a longer kiss is acceptable.  If you anticipate a longer kiss, make it more romantic by cupping her face with both hands, either to bring her face closer to yours to initiate the kiss or during the kiss.  No matter the length of the kiss, it is best to keep it sweet and soft. 

Progress report - Four months of online dating

After going through 500+ correspondences on the new dating website, I ended up only meeting with a handful of men.  Most men were weeded out online based on their significantly older age, lack of attraction based on photos, or an unimpressive profile description or email. (See my posts on How to initiate contact with someone on a dating website and Advice for online dating profiles.)  Of the several dates I had, I noticed that oftentimes these men will ask for a second date while still on the first date!  It was not a problem if I wanted to go out with him again.  However, it was awkward if I did not.

Of the men I had a date with, the reasons I did not see them again included lack of chemistry (either physical attraction because they looked significantly worse than their pictures, or we just did not click), lack of potential to be a great long-term partner, or presence of a weird mannerism (such as having a lot of saliva when speaking, a funky goofy laugh, perpetual nose twitching, or a habitual peculiar eye mannerism - although this was not the only reason why I didn't see them again). 

My friend asked me what I have learned from dating.  Here are a few things I observed:
-  Non-Asian men are more explicit about their attraction towards their date than Asian men, as my non-Asian dates will openly tell me that they found me attractive.
-  Three men said that I was hard to read and were not sure whether I was interested in them.  I think I tend to be neutral on dates.  I am typically polite and treat the date as if he was a friend, regardless of whether I like him romantically.  I don't tend to flirt if interested, nor be rude if not interested.
-   Men in their late 30s or older do not have many friends to hang out with, since most of their friends are married with children.
-  A lot of men have or had two professions, either currently or over the course of their life.
-  My mulitple dates confirmed that it is difficult to find a "good guy," at least in the older age pool. 

Difficulties of being a woman with a successful career in dating

Recently, I saw that a guy had viewed my profile on the dating website but did not contact me.  I liked his profile and thought he was attractive, so I emailed him.  I jokingly asked if my profile scared him away.  He replied that he did not think that he would be my type.  He thought that "successful women are not attracted to men who are divorced with a child."

A career can be considered successful in various ways, but for the purpose of this post, I will define it as having a high salary and/or powerful position.  Sometimes I feel that my career hurts me in terms of dating.  I am in a well-regarded profession and earn a very good living (I probably earn more than the majority of men).  In addition, my friends consider me to be intelligent and independent.  However, I think all this hurts me when it comes to dating.  Men may feel intimidated by successful women who are intelligent, well-educated, and independent.  Men may feel that they will not be the provider.  Or they may feel that they are not "good enough" or that successful women would want someone who is "on her level."  That is why I deliberately did not specify certain things on my profile, such as my profession, my income bracket, or that I graduated from an ivy league school.  However, I believe that I should be proud of my accomplishments and who I am.  I should not have to apologize or be punished for them.

I do not judge a person by their career, income, education level or social status.  I also do not care about the person's background because they could not help being born into that; rather, it is the person they have become that matters because that is within their control.  I judge people by their character, values and morals, and by how they treat others.

Men with a successful career, on the other hand, are considered more attractive (see post on Who has it easier in the dating world?).  However, in this modern era, I find that traditional gender roles are being blurred.  More and more men become stay-home dads.  The majority of college and graduate students are now women.  Women are the sole or primary breadwinner in forty percent of all American households.  Women are becoming more successful and independent, yet expected to remain lady-like.  But no matter how successful, independent or powerful a woman is, I suspect that she still wants to be a "damsel in distress" at least occasionally.  There is a part of every woman (or at least the vast majority of women) that wants to be taken care to a certain extent.  Some want to be taken of completely, and they want a guy to make them feel secure physically, emotionally and financially.  Other women are more independent but still want a guy to do things for them occasionally, such as carrying something heavy, opening a tight jar, or standing up to a rude stranger for them.  But all women, no matter how successful, independent or powerful, want to be romanced in some way, whether it is by flowers, chocolates, a candlelit dinner, a trip to Paris, or just a text telling us you miss us.  Women (as do men) want to be acknowledged and appreciated.  (See my post on What impresses women and men.)  For myself and probably most other women with a successful career who are dating a guy less "successful," I think the disparity in salary and/or education does not really matter if the man contributes to the relationship in other ways and is a good partner overall.

A person's career is only one aspect of who they are.  Looks and personality play major roles in attraction.  I think a woman's successful career would not hinder men from being interested if he knew what her personality is like.  A man may be less intimidated if he knew that she was down-to-earth and did not care much what his salary, career or education level was.  I think men care more about how a woman makes him feel, rather than her salary or career.  Even though she may make more money or have a more successful career, does she come off as that way?  In addition, some men may find that a successful career shows that the woman "has her act together," which tends to be an attractive quality rather than a deterrent.

There is a little bit of Ally in all of us

Another reason why men may not want to date a successful woman is that he is afraid that she will be dedicated to work, and not have enough time for the relationship.  It is important for both men and women not to allow their career to interfere with their relationship by allowing work to detract quality time together or force them to break promises.  There will always be more work to do, but your significant other can be understanding for only so long before the quality of the relationship (permanently) deteriorates.  No one on their deathbed wishes they spend more time working.  Instead, they wish they spent more time with their loved ones and doing the things they enjoy.


It may also be helpful if a successful woman demonstrates that she has a feminine side and can let the man be the provider or an equal:
-  Wear a dress with heels rather than a business suit with penny loafers on a date.  (See my post on What to wear on a first date.)
-  Leave work at work - do not answer your business (or personal) calls/texts/emails during the date.
-  If he asks what your job is, be truthful about your job/position but don't dwell on how the "power" of your position or all your accomplishments such that it seems like you are bragging.  Instead, discuss what you like about your job or how it may help/affect others, and certainly ask him about his job.
-  Let the man pay for the meal if he offers, even if you may make more money.