After going through 500+ correspondences on the new dating website, I ended up only meeting with a handful of men. Most men were weeded out online based on their significantly older age, lack of attraction based on photos, or an unimpressive profile description or email. (See my posts on How to initiate contact with someone on a dating website and Advice for online dating profiles.) Of the several dates I had, I noticed that oftentimes these men will ask for a second date while still on the first date! It was not a problem if I wanted to go out with him again. However, it was awkward if I did not.
Of the men I had a date with, the reasons I did not see them again included lack of chemistry (either physical attraction because they looked significantly worse than their pictures, or we just did not click), lack of potential to be a great long-term partner, or presence of a weird mannerism (such as having a lot of saliva when speaking, a funky goofy laugh, perpetual nose twitching, or a habitual peculiar eye mannerism - although this was not the only reason why I didn't see them again).
My friend asked me what I have learned from dating. Here are a few things I observed:
- Non-Asian men are more explicit about their attraction towards their date than Asian men, as my non-Asian dates will openly tell me that they found me attractive.
- Three men said that I was hard to read and were not sure whether I was interested in them. I think I tend to be neutral on dates. I am typically polite and treat the date as if he was a friend, regardless of whether I like him romantically. I don't tend to flirt if interested, nor be rude if not interested.
- Men in their late 30s or older do not have many friends to hang out with, since most of their friends are married with children.
- A lot of men have or had two professions, either currently or over the course of their life.
- My mulitple dates confirmed that it is difficult to find a "good guy," at least in the older age pool.
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ReplyDeleteThank you for sharing your experience, Benson. Perhaps women seem more confident behind the computer screen because they have time to think about what to write, and even proofread it to make sure it comes across a certain way. They can therefore seem more eloquent, bold, funny or lively. Emoticons, punctuations (such as exclamation marks), and text acronyms (such as LOL, LMAO) can also alter how the content is portrayed. It is also easier to say something bold online because it is faceless. In person, people may not be as quick to think of witty or funny comments.
ReplyDeleteI have found that it is easy to like someone via email/text/phone because we SEEM to click well (again, partly because there is time to think about what to say). Yet when I finally meet them in person, there may not be the same chemistry even if they seem to have the same personality traits as portrayed online - reasons include looking significantly different from online photos, being rude or weird in person, and having peculiar mannerisms.