Unfortunately, I know many people who stay in relationships where they are not happy. I am a proponent of working issues out, as no relationship is perfect, and believe that communication, empathy, and compromise are necessary for all relationships to thrive (or even survive).
However, many people stay in relationships where the partner does not treat him/her well, but they stay for various excuses: married, have kids, thinks the partner will change, the partner is apologetic for faults (though does not change), or family/friends would not approve. Or perhaps they do not feel they can be independent - financially, emotionally, or because they are threatened something will happen if they leave. However, more commonly, I find people stay in unhappy relationships because they are comfortable or settled in the relationship, do not think there is someone else better who could love them, or they are afraid to be alone.
I am not trying to break up relationships! But I encourage people to think about their relationships. If it is unhappy, it may be helpful to ask yourself these questions: What are the specific reason(s) for your happiness? Is it you or your partner? What are possible compromises or solutions? Are your requests for change reasonable? Will your partner be willing to work things out? (Check out the forum on Can people change?)
From personal experience, being in any relationship takes a lot of work, no matter how good your partner is. You need to cultivate any relationship by spending a lot of time with your partner. You get out what you put in. But sometimes it takes more courage to break up than to stay. You have to acknowledge the problems and take initiative to make a drastic change in your life. My own perspective is that I would rather come home to no one than to someone whom I don't look forward to coming home to. (Check out my post on Be picky or settle?)
There is a big risk involved in ending the relationship (especially being alone and starting over), but as with many big decisions, you must weigh the pros and cons, and decide what is best for you. Don't you deserve to be happy? Or give yourself the chance to find happiness? Or do you think you are happy/content enough in the relationship, even with the problems you have? I would be interested to hear about people's stories or reasons why they stayed or are staying in an unhappy relationship.
A person once told me "Life is about loneliness, and what we do about it." Many people choose not to struggle with this, and remain in their unhappy relationships. This is actually worse than being single because it wears us down and takes away our valuable time on this planet. Always seek happiness, never contentment.
ReplyDeleteAl Bundy was the bomb.