Of course rejections sucks. But like many things in life, it's not so much what happens to you, but how you handle it. The same situation can occur to two people but the way in which they perceive and react may differ, leading to completely different outcomes.
REJECTED FOR A DATE
It's not always you
Just because they rejected your offer for a date, it does not mean they are rejecting you as a person. They do not know you well enough to reject you as a person. Their reason for declining may not even have anything (bad) to do with you:
- they are already in a relationship
- they just got out of a relationship and are not ready to date
- they have a preference for a certain "type"
- they are having a bad day
- you remind them of their ex
- they are moving soon and don't want to start a relationship
- they have low-esteem and think you are too attractive or too good for them, and are concerned that the date is a joke or you will find someone better soon
Although difficult, try not to take it personally. Remember that each encounter is unique and only pertains to that one individual in that particular situation on that day. Do not overgeneralize and think that they are rejecting you as a person, or that everyone will reject you.
Try not to get discouraged or self-deprecating: There is something wrong with me.
I am not attractive.
I will never find someone.
It's not all bad
It is a good thing they declined your offer promptly rather than going on the date only to break things off later. They have saved you time and money. Do not keep trying to persuade them to change their mind. You will just end up annoying them instead of winning them over.
If they rejected your offer nicely, just say thank you and leave. At least they will remember you were graceful and may change their mind later (so act politely - not awkwardly or embarrassed - if you see them another day). Another reason to be civil is that they may have some impact on your life later, and you will be glad you did not burn any bridges. If they were mean in the way they rejected your offer (laughed, insulted or yelled at you), then just walk away. Do not waste precious time on someone who is not interested in you, or not courteous to you.
Improve your game
Use each rejection as a learning experience. Practice makes perfect. Role play with a female friend and get constructive criticism. Observe every detail of your approach - is there anything you can improve?
Pay attention to the other person's nonverbal communication. Signs of interest include making eye contact, smiling, playing with their hair, turning their body towards you, leaning towards you, and gently touching your arm. Do not approach them if they appear uninterested. Keep track of the type of people you try to date - are they the wrong type for you?
If you are not getting responses from people you are contacting online, perhaps it is your profile description, pictures, or what you are writing in your correspondences that is a problem. (See my posts on Advice for online dating profiles and How to initiate contact with someone on a dating website.) Or perhaps you are contacting people whose criteria you do not fit.
If you are going on first dates but have trouble getting second dates, then perhaps your profile does not match your actual self, or you need to improve on something you are doing on the date. (See my posts on Advice for first dates, What to wear on a first date, What impresses women and men, How to make yourself more physically attractive, How to make your personality more attractive, and The first date kiss.)
Try, try, and try again
It's a numbers game. The chances are low that any person will meet someone where there is mutual physical attraction at first glance and the circumstances for both parties are favorable to be in a long-term relationship. So do not expect that you will have a 100% success rate. Most men do not even come close to that. See a cool video blog from someone who goes on mini-adventures and deliberately gets rejected to become desensitized and build thicker skin: 100-days-of-rejection-therapy.
A RELATIONSHIP BREAKUP
Even though you invested time and emotion into the relationship, at least it ended when it did, and not later so you did save time.
It's him, not you
If someone broke up with you, it does not necessarily mean it was your fault. There could be extraneous reasons:
- they are not ready for a long-term commitment or marriage
- they may not know what they really want in a partner
- they have unrealistic expectations of what a relationship or partner should be
- the relationship ran its course so the passion and novelty of a new relationship faded, and they no longer fully appreciate you for the wonderful person you are
You may be a great person, which is why the relationship lasted the duration it did, but you may not be compatible as a lifelong partner. It takes both parties to fully appreciate each other and willingness to work on differences for the relationship to succeed. Each relationship has rocky points and it takes a lot of effort to get through them. Even married couples do not always do a good job at it, which accounts for the high divorce rate.
Learn from it
Each person we have been in a relationship with teaches us something.
What was it that you learned?
Did you think their reason for the breakup was fair?
If you notice a pattern in your relationship breakups, are you going after the wrong type of person? Or is it something you are doing wrong? Should you change it?
Time heals all broken heartsHave some time and space away from the other person.
Get rid of things that remind you of them.
Hang out with friends and family.
Meet new people.
Be active in your hobbies, or get a new hobby.
Get involved in the community. Volunteer.
Do things you could not do before while in the relationship. Travel.
You will eventually get over them and move on.
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