While I was house hunting, I noticed the housing market is very similar to the dating market/online dating.
1. You learn about new prospects online which seem exciting and have potential.
2. Then you meet them/go to the open house, which makes you feel more excited because it may actually be "the one." Or you feel disappointed because the online pictures were deceiving.
3. Even when you see the person/house a few times and there seems to be potential when the other person seemingly likes you/when you make a bid, it may still not work because your prospect meets another person who seems more attractive/makes a higher bid.
4. Until you actually walk down the aisle/close on the house, anyone can break it off at any time.
5. But don't worry, another potential person/house will be available soon online.
Sunday, September 23, 2018
Is it ok to have an innocent crush on someone else when in a relationship?
My colleague and I had a discussion as to whether it was ok to have an "innocent" crush on someone else when you are in a relationship. My simple answer is "no" because you cannot control the situation and many bad things can stem from having a crush, even if it is seemingly innocent. Here are my reasons:
Having a crush means that you are not completely faithful to your significant other.
You may not be physically cheating but you are mentally/emotionally cheating. It means you are not 100% dedicated to your significant other. Your diverted attention will likely take away from your partner and you may lose interest in your current relationship. In addition, you may not be lying outright, but you may hide things from your significant other (such as not telling them when you hang out with your crush, not wanting your partner see your flirtatious texts). Not being able to be completely open and honest will harm your relationship. Please see my post on cheating.
Your feelings for your crush can grow.
What you thought was an innocent crush can potentially grow into strong feelings. You cannot control if this happens, and it will make it harder for you to get over your crush. The stronger your feelings, the more it takes away from your current relationship.
You want to impress your crush.
Even if you do not have the intention of pursuing something or you don't even flirt with your crush, you are consciously or unconsciously trying to impress them by seeming more intelligent, funny, charismatic, etc. Or putting effort into looking more attractive, smelling better, being more visible to them, or contacting them more via text/email/calls. This may lead to your crush suspecting you have feelings for them, or your crush eventually having feelings for you.
A friend or colleague may find out about your crush.
Now you are threatened that they may accidentally or intentionally tell someone else in the group, your crush, or your significant other.
Your crush may find out.
If your crush finds out you have feelings for them, if they don't reciprocate the feelings, imagine how awkward it may be for them, especially knowing you are already in a relationship. Even if your crush does have mutual feelings for you, then the situation is worse because now you definitely would not want to get over your crush. Now you have more reason to want to be with them. This will only make it more difficult on your current relationship.
Your significant other may find out.
Imagine how devastated your partner would feel if they found out about your crush. It would permanently change your relationship even if they eventually forgive you. Once trust is lost, it is very difficult to fully regain. Your significant other may always be suspicious you are cheating again, even if you are not.
Would you want your significant other to have a crush on someone else?
Think how you would feel if your partner had a crush on someone else. You would not want your partner to experience that pain.
If your crush has feelings for you, then what would you do?
If your answer is you would prefer to stay in your current relationship, then having the crush can only be harmful to your relationship for the reasons above. If your answer is you would prefer to be with the crush, then just end your current relationship because it is obviously wrong for you.
Having a crush means that you are not completely faithful to your significant other.
You may not be physically cheating but you are mentally/emotionally cheating. It means you are not 100% dedicated to your significant other. Your diverted attention will likely take away from your partner and you may lose interest in your current relationship. In addition, you may not be lying outright, but you may hide things from your significant other (such as not telling them when you hang out with your crush, not wanting your partner see your flirtatious texts). Not being able to be completely open and honest will harm your relationship. Please see my post on cheating.
Your feelings for your crush can grow.
What you thought was an innocent crush can potentially grow into strong feelings. You cannot control if this happens, and it will make it harder for you to get over your crush. The stronger your feelings, the more it takes away from your current relationship.
Even if you do not have the intention of pursuing something or you don't even flirt with your crush, you are consciously or unconsciously trying to impress them by seeming more intelligent, funny, charismatic, etc. Or putting effort into looking more attractive, smelling better, being more visible to them, or contacting them more via text/email/calls. This may lead to your crush suspecting you have feelings for them, or your crush eventually having feelings for you.
A friend or colleague may find out about your crush.
Now you are threatened that they may accidentally or intentionally tell someone else in the group, your crush, or your significant other.
Your crush may find out.
If your crush finds out you have feelings for them, if they don't reciprocate the feelings, imagine how awkward it may be for them, especially knowing you are already in a relationship. Even if your crush does have mutual feelings for you, then the situation is worse because now you definitely would not want to get over your crush. Now you have more reason to want to be with them. This will only make it more difficult on your current relationship.
Your significant other may find out.
Imagine how devastated your partner would feel if they found out about your crush. It would permanently change your relationship even if they eventually forgive you. Once trust is lost, it is very difficult to fully regain. Your significant other may always be suspicious you are cheating again, even if you are not.
Would you want your significant other to have a crush on someone else?
Think how you would feel if your partner had a crush on someone else. You would not want your partner to experience that pain.
If your crush has feelings for you, then what would you do?
If your answer is you would prefer to stay in your current relationship, then having the crush can only be harmful to your relationship for the reasons above. If your answer is you would prefer to be with the crush, then just end your current relationship because it is obviously wrong for you.
Checklist for qualities in a lifetime partner
You find them attractive.
This doesn't have to mean they are attractive to everyone, at least just to you. But even the most attractive people eventually lose their good looks. You may get used to their face, no matter how attractive it is, and their beauty may no longer captivate you as it once did. Or they may get old and their beauty fades. Therefore, it is more important that they have the other qualities below.
Someone who treats you well and with whom you get along.
You will be living and spending a lot of time with this person so better make sure they respect you, are good to you, and you both get along well. Also great if they can make you laugh.
Someone you can talk to, is supportive, and willing to work things out.
It is important to be able to carry long conversations with your partner, but they should also be a good listener, able to talk you through problems, and help you when stressed. In addition, there will undoubtedly be problems in a relationship so make sure the person is willing to work things out. It helps if they are open minded and do not find it necessary to always to be right.
Someone you will still care for when someone goes wrong.
Will you still stay with, and care for, your partner if they have develop a chronic medical condition, cancer, or a psychiatric condition? Or if they become bald, disfigured, or disabled? Or if you guys become poor?
Someone whom you know well.
It is important to know the person you are with - for both who they are and who they are not. Many of us imagine the other person as someone we want them to be, or hope they will become that person we want. We may not accept them for who they truly are, and get upset that they do not meet our expectations.
Someone who complements you.
People seek those who encompass the same qualities they have that they consider as good. For example, an intelligent person would prefer to date another intelligent person rather than someone who is not. However, we seek the opposite when it comes to qualities we consider we have that are bad. For example, someone who is messy and thinks that is not a good trait would prefer someone who is neat. Otherwise, it may be difficult for two messy people to live together. However, if the messy person does not think their messiness is a problem, then they would not mind being with another messy person.
Someone who has similar values and interests.
Having similar values will play out in your everyday life in big ways, such as where you live, whether to have children (and how many, how to raise them), religion, and even dietary preferences (vegan/vegetarian). Having similar interests help form a bond through common activities. It is also good to have different interests so you are exposed to new things, but of course that requires the willingness to be open minded. If you don't share any common interests at all, then try to develop one you may both like.
A team player.
We often want a partner who is similar to us, a companion to
do the things we like, someone who has the same lifestyle, preferences, tastes, and routines, because we think that is what is better. This is because we project our thoughts and opinions onto the behavior of others. For example, we may think staying up late and waking up late is a bad habit. However, perhaps the person is a night owl and is very productive at night. And waking up late in the morning is fine because they work from home and run their own business.
We want an extension of ourselves and look for a companion who enhances our life. But we rarely find such a person
who is exactly like us, or what we envision or want. Instead, we are
in a relationship with someone who may have
different opinions, preferences, routines, habits, and values. But we may not think about enhancing their life. Being in a long term relationship means compromising and being open to the possibility of doing things that you are not used to. It means not just caring about ourselves but truly
caring about your partner as well. And that means thinking from their
perspective, trying to understand them, respecting their thoughts and values,
and making sacrifices to accommodate them. This does not mean you have to
do everything they ask, nor surrender everything to them. But it does mean
that the relationship is not all about you. You are no longer two individuals just living together. You are now a team.
If one of you does not do well, then it is up to the other to help or the
"team" will suffer. Even in an argument, if one person wins, both of you actually lose.
Someone who is committed to you.
Your partner may meet all the qualities above but it means nothing if they are not committed to you.
Saturday, January 9, 2016
Be positive... no one likes a grumpy old man/woman
I am dedicating this post to my friend, Belinda. Belinda is my high school friend who was diagnosed with stage 4 lung cancer four years ago. This was shocking because she was only in her early 30's, never smoked, and lived a healthy lifestyle. She underwent radiation therapy and chemotherapy, even various experimental chemo treatments. However, nothing helped. Recently, her doctors told her that she has two weeks to live. She told me that she wished she could be anyone else in the world rather than herself right now. But because that cannot happen, she has accepted fate. I cannot fathom how she feels.
I asked myself what I would do if I knew I had two weeks to live. I would meet with family and friends on an individual basis to catch up, stroll down memory lane, and tell them how much I appreciate them. I would not tell them I was dying because I would not want the conversation to have a sad undertone. I would want their last experience with me to be happy. But why should I wait until I know I am dying to tell those I care about that I appreciate them?
We all have a finite amount of time to live. It seems like we will live forever when we are young, but no one is immune to death. We eventually use up our time. We could live for another day, a few years, or several decades more. Even if we are young and healthy, we could die the next day without warning (no one wakes up knowing they will get hit by a car later that day).
Therefore, we should be wise in how we use our precious (limited) time. Appreciate those you love. Appreciate yourself. Do things you enjoy. Enjoy each moment for what it is, as each one is unique. You may not have that exact moment again with the same combination of factors (the specific surroundings/environment/situation, same people around you doing what they were doing, emotions/thoughts you had, etc).
If you were on your deathbed, chances are that you would wish you had spent more time with family and friends, and had done things that you loved. No one wishes they had spent more time at work. I am not saying to quit work and just hang out with family and friends, or spend all your money on hobbies and vices in order to be happy. Rather, do not take loved ones for granted. Tell them you appreciate them from time to time. Take time for yourself. Do not work your life away. There will always be more work that needs to be done.
Do not waste time being unhappy or negative. I am not saying you cannot feel hurt or upset if something bad happens. That's human and will happen whether you want it or not. Rather, do not dwell on it. Instead, practice letting go of the upset that you might experience, especially trivial matters. Almost everything in life is a choice. You choose how to react to any situation. Do you want to spend your life being mostly upset... or mostly happy? Even if you were in an accident and lost your leg, it could be worse. Be thankful to be alive rather than mourning your leg the rest of your life. My friend, Belinda, would still rather be in that situation than hers.
Being positive does not just affect you. It has a ripple effect and affects those around you. I have been in relationships with those who are negative, and am now with someone who is always positive. What a difference! It sets the tone for the relationship. No one likes to be around a grumpy old man/woman, even if they are in a young body. Who likes being around a constant complainer or sourpuss? Being often negative makes the relationship toxic. Your partner needs to constantly comfort, or cater to you. It is consuming and draining for your partner, and eventually, for the relationship.
Being in a relationship with a positive person is like constantly being around sunshine. Who doesn't like being greeted by someone who is smiling and happy to see them? Who doesn't like a lot of laughter or lightness in their interactions? Whenever problems arise in life or in the relationship, they attempt to problem solve and offer emotional support without scowl or much complaining. It is very uplifting and makes everything seem like it will be okay.
So prioritize who or what is important to you, and use your (limited) time to pay attention to those people or things. You really do only live once. So live it well... and happily.
My primary goals/purposes in life are to:
1 - help/benefit others
2 - truly love someone and be loved
3 - be happy
Helpful links:
How to make your personality more attractive
Can people change?
I asked myself what I would do if I knew I had two weeks to live. I would meet with family and friends on an individual basis to catch up, stroll down memory lane, and tell them how much I appreciate them. I would not tell them I was dying because I would not want the conversation to have a sad undertone. I would want their last experience with me to be happy. But why should I wait until I know I am dying to tell those I care about that I appreciate them?
We all have a finite amount of time to live. It seems like we will live forever when we are young, but no one is immune to death. We eventually use up our time. We could live for another day, a few years, or several decades more. Even if we are young and healthy, we could die the next day without warning (no one wakes up knowing they will get hit by a car later that day).
Therefore, we should be wise in how we use our precious (limited) time. Appreciate those you love. Appreciate yourself. Do things you enjoy. Enjoy each moment for what it is, as each one is unique. You may not have that exact moment again with the same combination of factors (the specific surroundings/environment/situation, same people around you doing what they were doing, emotions/thoughts you had, etc).
If you were on your deathbed, chances are that you would wish you had spent more time with family and friends, and had done things that you loved. No one wishes they had spent more time at work. I am not saying to quit work and just hang out with family and friends, or spend all your money on hobbies and vices in order to be happy. Rather, do not take loved ones for granted. Tell them you appreciate them from time to time. Take time for yourself. Do not work your life away. There will always be more work that needs to be done.
Do not waste time being unhappy or negative. I am not saying you cannot feel hurt or upset if something bad happens. That's human and will happen whether you want it or not. Rather, do not dwell on it. Instead, practice letting go of the upset that you might experience, especially trivial matters. Almost everything in life is a choice. You choose how to react to any situation. Do you want to spend your life being mostly upset... or mostly happy? Even if you were in an accident and lost your leg, it could be worse. Be thankful to be alive rather than mourning your leg the rest of your life. My friend, Belinda, would still rather be in that situation than hers.
Being positive does not just affect you. It has a ripple effect and affects those around you. I have been in relationships with those who are negative, and am now with someone who is always positive. What a difference! It sets the tone for the relationship. No one likes to be around a grumpy old man/woman, even if they are in a young body. Who likes being around a constant complainer or sourpuss? Being often negative makes the relationship toxic. Your partner needs to constantly comfort, or cater to you. It is consuming and draining for your partner, and eventually, for the relationship.
Being in a relationship with a positive person is like constantly being around sunshine. Who doesn't like being greeted by someone who is smiling and happy to see them? Who doesn't like a lot of laughter or lightness in their interactions? Whenever problems arise in life or in the relationship, they attempt to problem solve and offer emotional support without scowl or much complaining. It is very uplifting and makes everything seem like it will be okay.
So prioritize who or what is important to you, and use your (limited) time to pay attention to those people or things. You really do only live once. So live it well... and happily.
My primary goals/purposes in life are to:
1 - help/benefit others
2 - truly love someone and be loved
3 - be happy
Helpful links:
How to make your personality more attractive
Can people change?
Saturday, September 26, 2015
Types of love
There are various types of love. There is love for family, friends and companion animals. Then there is romantic love. Within the realm of romance, what we call "love" can be further subdivided into infatuation, eroticism, being in love (and more).
Infatuation/eroticism
It is important to distinguish between infatuation and love. Infatuation is a "superficial love." It is an extreme lust or passion for someone, or an obsession. It typically occurs after you just met the person or the relationship is new. You do not know the person well yet - their values, background, personality, habits, routines, preferences, opinions on various topics, goals for the future, or flaws. The person and relationship seem exciting and perfect. The intense joy you feel thinking about, and being around, this person can easily be mistaken for love. While such feelings might ripen into a lasting love, these feelings are in the early stages and mostly based on a fantasy about a connection we yearn for, and that feels extremely fulfilling in the moment. Eroticism is similar to infatuation, but eroticism is more focused on the sexual or physical connection.
Caring for someone
You can care for someone, but not love them. However, if you love them, you care for them. Once you are settled in a relationship, it is important to distinguish love from merely caring for your partner. A substantial portion of long-term relationships consist of two people who become good friends that are comfortable with, and care about, each other... but not to the point that they love the other person. And this lack of love can lead to problems in the relationship.
Each love you have for a different person can be a different experience or feeling. For me, love is such a powerful emotional phenomenon that no single word can adequately nor appropriately capture all that it encompasses, so I have to settle for the word love to merely represent it.
Infatuation/eroticism
It is important to distinguish between infatuation and love. Infatuation is a "superficial love." It is an extreme lust or passion for someone, or an obsession. It typically occurs after you just met the person or the relationship is new. You do not know the person well yet - their values, background, personality, habits, routines, preferences, opinions on various topics, goals for the future, or flaws. The person and relationship seem exciting and perfect. The intense joy you feel thinking about, and being around, this person can easily be mistaken for love. While such feelings might ripen into a lasting love, these feelings are in the early stages and mostly based on a fantasy about a connection we yearn for, and that feels extremely fulfilling in the moment. Eroticism is similar to infatuation, but eroticism is more focused on the sexual or physical connection.
Caring for someone
You can care for someone, but not love them. However, if you love them, you care for them. Once you are settled in a relationship, it is important to distinguish love from merely caring for your partner. A substantial portion of long-term relationships consist of two people who become good friends that are comfortable with, and care about, each other... but not to the point that they love the other person. And this lack of love can lead to problems in the relationship.
What is love?
Everyone has their own definition of love. In general, love is a deep connection to someone after knowing them well. You respect them. You love them for who they are, and accept them for who they are not. You accept their flaws (although this does not mean you do not want to them to better themselves). You care for them deeply. You are happy when they are happy. You hurt when they hurt. Their well-being is important to you such that you will make sacrifices for their happiness without regret or resentment.
Everyone has their own definition of love. In general, love is a deep connection to someone after knowing them well. You respect them. You love them for who they are, and accept them for who they are not. You accept their flaws (although this does not mean you do not want to them to better themselves). You care for them deeply. You are happy when they are happy. You hurt when they hurt. Their well-being is important to you such that you will make sacrifices for their happiness without regret or resentment.
Being in love
Personally, I think loving someone and being in love are different entities, although they share many commonalities. There is a degree of infatuation and eroticism when one is in love. One tends to be in love earlier in a relationship when the partner and things appear fresh and exciting. As the relationship further matures, being in love progresses to (a deeper) love. Of course, one can both be in love and love someone simultaneously.
For me, signs I love/am in love include the following:
- I would do something drastic for him (such as giving up an organ, assuming I have two of this organ).
- I would still care for him if something bad happened to him (he acquires a chronic illness or he later has a psychiatric condition).
- His happiness and welfare supersede mine.
- I gladly make sacrifices for him.
- I would do something drastic for him (such as giving up an organ, assuming I have two of this organ).
- I would still care for him if something bad happened to him (he acquires a chronic illness or he later has a psychiatric condition).
- His happiness and welfare supersede mine.
- I gladly make sacrifices for him.
- Thinking of him makes me feel happy (inside and out).
- I act differently around him.
- I make exceptions for him.
- I act differently around him.
- I make exceptions for him.
- I care for him even if he does not reciprocate.
- A disagreement, argument, criticism or disapproval hurts more coming from him than anyone else
- I accept him for who he is, and who he is not. However, this does not mean that I don't want him to better himself.
- A disagreement, argument, criticism or disapproval hurts more coming from him than anyone else
- I accept him for who he is, and who he is not. However, this does not mean that I don't want him to better himself.
- I understand what love songs are talking about. I really would be willing to walk a thousand miles just to get a glimpse of him.
- I get very emotional thinking or talking about him.
- The tone of my voice changes when speaking to him compared to other people.
- His name, possessions, and things associated with him carry special meaning.
- I think of him often. I think about him when I go to sleep, and when I awake.
- I do not have to question if I am in love. I know.
You will know when you are in love. If you have to ask if you are in love, then you are not.
- I get very emotional thinking or talking about him.
- The tone of my voice changes when speaking to him compared to other people.
- His name, possessions, and things associated with him carry special meaning.
- I think of him often. I think about him when I go to sleep, and when I awake.
- I do not have to question if I am in love. I know.
You will know when you are in love. If you have to ask if you are in love, then you are not.
Wednesday, April 8, 2015
During a bad first date - dash or stay?
Almost everyone has had a bad date (here are some of mine). That is why it is better to meet for coffee/tea or a drink on the first date. If you do not like your date, you can leave after half an hour or so. If you like your date, you can extend the date by having a full meal after drinks.
You generally know whether you like your date within the first few minutes of meeting (if not immediately). Some women have a friend deliberately call mid-date so she can pretend there is an emergency and she needs to leave immediately, in case she does not like the guy. The advantages to this are two-fold: 1) it gives an escape plan in case the date is terrible, and 2) you do not necessarily hurt the guy's feeling, at least not at that time and not face-to-face (you will eventually disappoint him when you reject him later if he asks you out again). However, most guys see through this trick and know what is really happening.
So is it best to dash when you are certain that you do not want to date him again? It depends. I would encourage leaving the date early (whether it is by the "emergency" phone call or just walking out) if your date is dangerous, threatening, or a jerk. Aside from that, stay if you can tolerate the date (e.g., there is no physical attraction or you two are not compatible, but your date is otherwise nice). Do not show signs of romantic interest or extend the date past what was originally planned, but just be courteous and polite during the remaining time on the date.
Here are reasons you should stay:
1. Use this time to practice being on a date. Practice the social skills you would use on a date (just do not implement your flirting or kissing skills).
2. Make a friend. Just because you may not be destined to be lovers does not mean you two cannot be friends. Just make it clear that the relationship is platonic if you decide to see him again.
3. Learn from your date. Use this opportunity to learn something you would not otherwise. For example, ask him about where he/his family is from, his travels/adventures, profession, or interests/hobbies. There is bound to be something he mentions with which you are not familiar, and ask him more about it to learn about that topic. (See my post on Questions to ask on first date.)
4. Make the most of your time on the date. Even though you may not see him again, enjoy the moment and company. Everyone has interesting stories. Ask him some fun questions and be prepared to hear entertaining stories.
- What is the most embarrassing thing that has happened to you?
- What is the hardest (or scariest) thing you had to do?
- Tell me about a recent adventure or spontaneous thing you have done.
- What is your favorite childhood memory?
- What is the most private thing you are willing to admit?
- If you could have any job in the world, what would it be?
- Tell me a random fact about you.
- What accomplishment are you most proud of?
5. You do not know whether your date may be a connection to someone you know (such as a a friend of a friend) or another encounter later in life (for example, be a loan officer at a bank when you need to borrow money).
You generally know whether you like your date within the first few minutes of meeting (if not immediately). Some women have a friend deliberately call mid-date so she can pretend there is an emergency and she needs to leave immediately, in case she does not like the guy. The advantages to this are two-fold: 1) it gives an escape plan in case the date is terrible, and 2) you do not necessarily hurt the guy's feeling, at least not at that time and not face-to-face (you will eventually disappoint him when you reject him later if he asks you out again). However, most guys see through this trick and know what is really happening.
So is it best to dash when you are certain that you do not want to date him again? It depends. I would encourage leaving the date early (whether it is by the "emergency" phone call or just walking out) if your date is dangerous, threatening, or a jerk. Aside from that, stay if you can tolerate the date (e.g., there is no physical attraction or you two are not compatible, but your date is otherwise nice). Do not show signs of romantic interest or extend the date past what was originally planned, but just be courteous and polite during the remaining time on the date.
Here are reasons you should stay:
1. Use this time to practice being on a date. Practice the social skills you would use on a date (just do not implement your flirting or kissing skills).
2. Make a friend. Just because you may not be destined to be lovers does not mean you two cannot be friends. Just make it clear that the relationship is platonic if you decide to see him again.
3. Learn from your date. Use this opportunity to learn something you would not otherwise. For example, ask him about where he/his family is from, his travels/adventures, profession, or interests/hobbies. There is bound to be something he mentions with which you are not familiar, and ask him more about it to learn about that topic. (See my post on Questions to ask on first date.)
4. Make the most of your time on the date. Even though you may not see him again, enjoy the moment and company. Everyone has interesting stories. Ask him some fun questions and be prepared to hear entertaining stories.
- What is the most embarrassing thing that has happened to you?
- What is the hardest (or scariest) thing you had to do?
- Tell me about a recent adventure or spontaneous thing you have done.
- What is your favorite childhood memory?
- What is the most private thing you are willing to admit?
- If you could have any job in the world, what would it be?
- Tell me a random fact about you.
- What accomplishment are you most proud of?
5. You do not know whether your date may be a connection to someone you know (such as a a friend of a friend) or another encounter later in life (for example, be a loan officer at a bank when you need to borrow money).
Thursday, April 2, 2015
Benefits of singledom
Although being in a relationship has its benefits, being single has its perks as well. First, you must feel comfortable not being in a relationship. It can be difficult if you just ended a long term relationship. But you will heal with time, social support, and distractions. (See my post on How to handle rejection in dating.)
It is good to have time by yourself when you come out from a relationship before dating again. Get into the mindset that there is no pressure to find someone soon. Take this time to concentrate on yourself. You can lose, or forget about, yourself in a long term relationship after adapting or accommodating to the other person for a prolonged period. So learn about yourself again. Be introspective. Improve yourself. It is important to know, respect and love yourself first before getting into a relationship. If you do not understand yourself well or appreciate yourself, how do you expect someone else to?
You have more time for yourself. Do things you enjoy. Find a new hobby. Travel. Volunteer in community services. Improve your work performance or chances of a promotion (but do not become a workaholic). If you recently came out from a relationship, these are all things that will also distract you and help you get over your ex.
Another benefit of being single is that you do not have to adapt or accommodate to a partner. You can go ahead with your own routines, habits and preferences. You can do whatever you want... whenever, however and wherever you want... with whom you want, and for as long as you want. You do not have confer with a partner, or accommodate to their preferences or schedule. You also do not have to do things they wanted that you did not enjoy.
Being single, you save money that would have been spent on your partner. Spend it on yourself instead.
Being single does not mean that you are alone. You can have family, friends, and even pets be an active and important part of your life. Spend time cultivating your relationships with them - make these relationships strong and meaningful. These are the people who are your support system and stable factors in your life. Until you meet "The One," your boy/girlfriends will just come and go.
Enjoy dating. Flirt and play the field if you want. Enjoy the excitement of meeting new people and tingles of a first date or new relationship. Even though you may have bad dates or short term relationships, make the most of that time. Learn from your bad dates and relationships.
The grass is always greener on the other side. People who are single want to be in a long term relationship. Those who are in a long term relationship or married miss aspects of being single. With the greener grass, there are also weeds and more fertilizer/manure you have to face. And sometimes the grass may appear greener but it is actually artificial turf. So water your own grass and it will naturally become more green.
It is good to have time by yourself when you come out from a relationship before dating again. Get into the mindset that there is no pressure to find someone soon. Take this time to concentrate on yourself. You can lose, or forget about, yourself in a long term relationship after adapting or accommodating to the other person for a prolonged period. So learn about yourself again. Be introspective. Improve yourself. It is important to know, respect and love yourself first before getting into a relationship. If you do not understand yourself well or appreciate yourself, how do you expect someone else to?
You have more time for yourself. Do things you enjoy. Find a new hobby. Travel. Volunteer in community services. Improve your work performance or chances of a promotion (but do not become a workaholic). If you recently came out from a relationship, these are all things that will also distract you and help you get over your ex.
Another benefit of being single is that you do not have to adapt or accommodate to a partner. You can go ahead with your own routines, habits and preferences. You can do whatever you want... whenever, however and wherever you want... with whom you want, and for as long as you want. You do not have confer with a partner, or accommodate to their preferences or schedule. You also do not have to do things they wanted that you did not enjoy.
Being single, you save money that would have been spent on your partner. Spend it on yourself instead.
Being single does not mean that you are alone. You can have family, friends, and even pets be an active and important part of your life. Spend time cultivating your relationships with them - make these relationships strong and meaningful. These are the people who are your support system and stable factors in your life. Until you meet "The One," your boy/girlfriends will just come and go.
Enjoy dating. Flirt and play the field if you want. Enjoy the excitement of meeting new people and tingles of a first date or new relationship. Even though you may have bad dates or short term relationships, make the most of that time. Learn from your bad dates and relationships.
The grass is always greener on the other side. People who are single want to be in a long term relationship. Those who are in a long term relationship or married miss aspects of being single. With the greener grass, there are also weeds and more fertilizer/manure you have to face. And sometimes the grass may appear greener but it is actually artificial turf. So water your own grass and it will naturally become more green.
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