Friends and colleagues
- Would you date a friend? I have qualms about dating close friends because it may ruin our friendship if the romance doesn't work out. The exception may be if I think it could lead to something very serious, then I may risk it. I am fine with dating an acquaintance, or a friend who is not extremely close. But it may get messy if we share a circle of friends. I have a friend who won't date anyone who knows any of his friends. He thinks it may put the mutual friend in an awkward situation.
- Would you mind being set up by a friend? That seems safer since it is more removed.
- How about dating a friend's ex, if your friend is perfectly fine with it (and they really mean it)?
- Would you date a colleague? Similarly, it may be sticky to date a colleague or someone who works in the building, in case the romance does not work out.
Attraction - Would you date someone who is devastatingly handsome but a player/bad boy, or is painfully dumb? Perhaps he would be a good candidate for a fling but a long-term relationship would be difficult. And would you feel jealous about other women eyeing your stud, or would it boost your ego instead?
- Or the inverse: unattractive but has a great personality? Perhaps attraction will eventually develop or maybe physicality is not important to you.
- Or how about not dating someone based on a habit, such as smoking, drinking, gambling, or picking their nose in public?
Profession
- If someone is attractive and has a wonderful personality, but had a low paying or menial job, would you date them? One factor in the decision would be practicality. Would you mind living paycheck to paycheck, or not living comfortably, if that was the case?
- Or what if his job paid well but the job is not highly regarded (e.g., sanitation worker)? Here comes the issue of "social class" (for lack of a better term).
- Or what if he has a noble profession but it may cause you stress (e.g., you may worry each time your cop or firefighter boyfriend is on duty, or you may be frustrated your businessman boyfriend spends endless hours working)?
- What if you both make a respectable salary, but one person's salary is greatly disparate from the other?
I personally don't mind what the guy's profession is, as long as he contributes to the relationship in some way (e.g., emotionally supportive, treats me well, helps around the house - it doesn't have to be financially, but of course, it would be nice). I may be more concerned if his profession causes me to stress though (e.g., his job is not safe or has extremely long hours).
Demographics
- Would you not date someone based on age or race? Perhaps you feel that there is less of a connection due to fewer similarities. I felt this way on a few of my dates.- How about height or weight? If the person had the best personality but was 4' feet or 7' feet tall, would you date them?
- How about if they have a different religion? Perhaps this depends on how devout you are, or how disparate your religious beliefs are.
- Would you date someone who is married but separated, or going through a divorce? Would you be concerned about the spouse is still involved in the person's life?
- How about if the person has children? They will understandably give their children priority over you. And you would also have to establish a relationship with their children. You date them, you date their family. - What about long distance relationships? These are certainly hard and it takes even more effort to maintain the relationship, but it does serve as a good test.
- Would you date someone with a disability or handicap? Perhaps that depends on the type of disability or handicap?
Conclusion
As you can see, there are many factors to think about when we decide whether to date someone or not. Sometimes we have a certain type of person in mind who we think is good for us, but the case may be that the person who is truly good for us is not be the person we envisioned. And we may not meet them in the way we thought we would. One reason why I am dating different guys is to learn more about what I want and don't want in a partner.
Never date a friend's ex. A friend of mine did date a friend's ex. They are no longer friends, and the couple broke up. Dating a friend's ex is almost incestuous, and no good can ever come of it.
ReplyDeleteHere's another question: would you date someone based solely on sexual compatibility, or not date someone due to a lack of sexual compatibility?
Thank you for your comment, teeveestar. I think whether one dates based on sexual compatibility depends on how important intercourse is to the person and couple. If intercourse is extremely important to the person who is more sexually inclined, and the less inclined partner is not willing to change or compromise, then it may be difficult for the relationship to survive happily.
ReplyDeleteI think intimacy is important in a relationship, but it is not the only, nor the most important, element in a partnership. Of course, it adds to the excitement and passion in a relationship. But keep in mind there are other ways to be intimate or pleasure one's partner other than intercourse. And if the relationship is not happy in general, or does not have a strong foundation, then the intimacy is purely based on lust, going through the motions, or an act to purely satisfy sexual desires, and sex becomes less meaningful, exciting, or fulfilling.