During a bad first date - dash or stay?

Almost everyone has had a bad date (here are some of mine).  That is why it is better to meet for coffee/tea or a drink on the first date.  If you do not like your date, you can leave after half an hour or so.  If you like your date, you can extend the date by having a full meal after drinks.

You generally know whether you like your date within the first few minutes of meeting (if not immediately).  Some women have a friend deliberately call mid-date so she can pretend there is an emergency and she needs to leave immediately, in case she does not like the guy.  The advantages to this are two-fold: 1) it gives an escape plan in case the date is terrible, and 2) you do not necessarily hurt the guy's feeling, at least not at that time and not face-to-face (you will eventually disappoint him when you reject him later if he asks you out again).  However, most guys see through this trick and know what is really happening.

So is it best to dash when you are certain that you do not want to date him again?  It depends.  I would encourage leaving the date early (whether it is by the "emergency" phone call or just walking out) if your date is dangerous, threatening, or a jerk.  Aside from that, stay if you can tolerate the date (e.g., there is no physical attraction or you two are not compatible, but your date is otherwise nice).  Do not show signs of romantic interest or extend the date past what was originally planned, but just be courteous and polite during the remaining time on the date.

Here are reasons you should stay:
1.  Use this time to practice being on a date.  Practice the social skills you would use on a date (just do not implement your flirting or kissing skills).

2.  Make a friend.  Just because you may not be destined to be lovers does not mean you two cannot be friends.  Just make it clear that the relationship is platonic if you decide to see him again.

3.  Learn from your date.  Use this opportunity to learn something you would not otherwise.  For example, ask him about where he/his family is from, his travels/adventures, profession, or interests/hobbies.  There is bound to be something he mentions with which you are not familiar, and ask him more about it to learn about that topic.  (See my post on Questions to ask on first date.)

4.  Make the most of your time on the date.  Even though you may not see him again, enjoy the moment and company.  Everyone has interesting stories.  Ask him some fun questions and be prepared to hear entertaining stories.

-  What is the most embarrassing thing that has happened to you?
-  What is the hardest (or scariest) thing you had to do?
-  Tell me about a recent adventure or spontaneous thing you have done.
-  What is your favorite childhood memory?
-  What is the most private thing you are willing to admit?
-  If you could have any job in the world, what would it be?
-  Tell me a random fact about you.
-  What accomplishment are you most proud of?

5.  You do not know whether your date may be a connection to someone you know (such as a a friend of a friend) or another encounter later in life (for example, be a loan officer at a bank when you need to borrow money).

Benefits of singledom

Although being in a relationship has its benefits, being single has its perks as well.  First, you must feel comfortable not being in a relationship.  It can be difficult if you just ended a long term relationship.  But you will heal with time, social support, and distractions.  (See my post on How to handle rejection in dating.)

It is good to have time by yourself when you come out from a relationship before dating again.  Get into the mindset that there is no pressure to find someone soon.  Take this time to concentrate on yourself.  You can lose, or forget about, yourself in a long term relationship after adapting or accommodating to the other person for a prolonged period.  So learn about yourself again.  Be introspective.  Improve yourself.  It is important to know, respect and love yourself first before getting into a relationship.  If you do not understand yourself well or appreciate yourself, how do you expect someone else to?

You have more time for yourself.  Do things you enjoy.  Find a new hobby.  Travel.  Volunteer in community services. Improve your work performance or chances of a promotion (but do not become a workaholic).  If you recently came out from a relationship, these are all things that will also distract you and help you get over your ex.

Another benefit of being single is that you do not have to adapt or accommodate to a partner.  You can go ahead with your own routines, habits and preferences.  You can do whatever you want... whenever, however and wherever you want... with whom you want, and for as long as you want.  You do not have confer with a partner, or accommodate to their preferences or schedule.  You also do not have to do things they wanted that you did not enjoy.

Being single, you save money that would have been spent on your partner.  Spend it on yourself instead.

Being single does not mean that you are alone.  You can have family, friends, and even pets be an active and important part of your life.  Spend time cultivating your relationships with them - make these relationships strong and meaningful.  These are the people who are your support system and stable factors in your life.  Until you meet "The One," your boy/girlfriends will just come and go.

Enjoy dating.  Flirt and play the field if you want.  Enjoy the excitement of meeting new people and tingles of a first date or new relationship.  Even though you may have bad dates or short term relationships, make the most of that time.  Learn from your bad dates and relationships.

The grass is always greener on the other side.  People who are single want to be in a long term relationship.  Those who are in a long term relationship or married miss aspects of being single.   With the greener grass, there are also weeds and more fertilizer/manure you have to face.  And sometimes the grass may appear greener but it is actually artificial turf.  So water your own grass and it will naturally become more green.