Being Childfree

Being childfree is different from being childless.  Being childfree is the conscious decision to not have children, whereas being childless is not having any children despite the desire to do so.  

My recent egg freezing had me rethink about whether I want to be a single parent.  If those two weeks alone were difficult, I cannot imagine how it would be raising a child alone.  If I don't find a partner, will I be able to give the amount of time and attention that I want my child to have since I will need to work full-time to support us?  There are so many important decisions to make and innumerable things involved in raising a child.  It would certainly be easier with a partner.  Without one, it is doable but suboptimal, and depends on various factors (such as having family/friends to help and/or the financial means).  The choice to be a single parent is individual and what is right for her.  So I certainly commend single parents.

Isn't it interesting that there aren't single men who hire an egg donor and surrogate to raise a child on his own?  (I am not referring to homosexual gay couples.)  There certainly could be single men who do that, but it is rather uncommon.  On the other hand, most women have the strong tendency to be maternal (more than men's tendency to be paternal), which may be partly due to biology and our society or culture.  However, the trend has been that women are having children later in life, or not having children at all (currently 20% of American women, compared to 10% in 1970s).  This is largely in part due to education and career.  At least half of the student population in colleges and graduate schools is now female.

It is important to understand the reason(s) for wanting children and be sure that it is a good one.  Unlike a purchase, you cannot return or exchange the child once you have one.  Some reasons I have heard for wanting children include: 
-  A natural urge to care for a "little someone"
-  Falling in love with someone and wanting that "love" to grow and expand into a family
-  Being told by society/culture that this is want we should be doing as an adult
-  Being lonely
-  We want someone to look up to us, or someone to need/depend on us
-  The significant other wants children
-  It is a way to save a failing relationship
-  To raise someone the way we wanted ourselves to be raised as a child (in essence, raising "ourselves")
-  To fulfill the dreams we wanted for ourselves but did not
-  Someone to dress up in cute clothes and braid their hair

On an ethical level, having a child is a big responsibility - your child's whole world is you.  He or she will depend on you for everything (at least at the beginning).  You will deeply impact their life and determine whether it turns out well or not.  On a personal level, raising a child will consume a substantial portion of your time and money which potentially prevents you from enjoying or being dedicated to other things and not developing a full life.  And on an environmental level, every life will use a lot of resources (water, food, products) and contribute to pollution/waste over the course of their lifetime.

I think for me, if I find someone to share my life with, then I would have a child.  But if I do not find that special someone, I don't know if I will.  But at least I have my frozen eggs as insurance if I decide I do.